The Wonder Years

The Wonders of Menopause

I wonder what the heck?
What could be the cause?
Hair should not be there.
Thanks, menopause.

I wonder why I can’t grow,
Hair where it once was.
It belongs atop my head.
Thanks, menopause.

I wonder why I’m so hot.
I hope I don’t have yaws.
SARS? The Plague? Typhoid fever?
Thanks, menopause.

I wonder why I’m so dry.
Should I see Dr. Oz?
My body’s now a desert.
Thanks, menopause.

I wonder when my nails,
Turned into jagged claws?
They’re so hard and brittle.
Thanks, menopause.

I wonder about these ankles,
Do they belong to Santa Clause?
They should be on an elephant.
Thanks, menopause.

I wonder, is that wrinkle new?
Each day shows more flaws.
I’m going to break my mirrors.
Thanks, menopause.

I wonder why I’m crying.
I’m trapped in crazy jaws.
I wonder why that hurts?
Thanks, menopause.

I wondered why I was hearing,
Uncomfortable guffaws.
This poem was up on Skype.
Thanks, menopause.

I wonder why I’m so angry.
On my mind, rage gnaws.
Am I homicidal?
Thanks, menopause.

Two seconds later:
It defies all laws.
I’m loving everyone.
Thanks, menopause.

I wonder why I can’t lose weight?
But one thing deserves applause.
At least I’m not pregnant.
Thanks, menopause!